I was saddened to learn of the Mrs Lee's death in the autumn afternoon. Saddened because she is a wonderful woman whose life has impacted many. I may not know her personally, but from the lives of her husband and children, one cannot doubt that she has played the role of a good wife and mother.

Very rarely do we publicly affirm a person's character. Afterall, this is not the media's job and reporters make no penny from doing this. Yet when a person leaves the face of this earth, people start remembering them for their person. Mrs Lee was described as a meticulous person who keeps check of small details like the receipts of her husband's tailored shirts. For her whole life, she was behind the scenes, being the MM's great companion. I have to say that she's played her supporting role very well - as evident from MM's deep love towards her.

I once asked myself the purpose of life. At that thought, I charted out a fantastic future with every luxury that a human being can possibly have. Yet as I indulged in my flight of fancy, I couldn't help feeling disturbed at death's inevitable beckon. At least for myself, I imagine that at my deathbed, I'd like to know that I've lived my life being loved by the people dear to me. At my deathbed, achievements wouldn't matter as much as how much impact I've made in the lives of people. At my deathbed, I'd be judged for the conduct of my life - for if not even a single soul on the face of this earth grieves at my departure, I'd die as if I did not live. 

While Mrs Lee's death is an occasion to be mournful over, I am happy for her that she's being remembered for being the great woman she was.

 

Summer's ending sooooooon.

Just a lil bit of recap of what happened in this season.

I touched down on the 3rd June, with my family members as the welcoming squad, awaiting me at Changi Airport. Didn't expect to see them at the airport, and as a result, was rather embarrassed as I was very ruggedly kempt - oily face, flabby body, mismatched attire. Nonetheless, I already felt a warm welcome on my very first day.

The very next day, I reported for work at Republic Polytechnic. Had a very warm welcome by the people. For the first time, I spoke to Rama, Ben, Albert and John. Based on first encounter alone, I did not brace myself to expect any quirks from these seemingly serious men. But obviously, I was wrong! And Lavi, Nadalala, Ms Yan and I had an absolutely hilarious time being political correspondents in the office, observing office dynamics and analysing individual characters. Of course along the way, came uber nice ladies like May Lee, Candace, Suzanne etc that saved us from certain shit at times. Not to forget, our all-time-favourite SPSS Dutch teacher. And of course, I shall never forget the numerous PSD sessions we had with Pey Yoon. There's also 8thlete and the after-8thlete party when Nadalala and Ms Yan had to stroke me at the back, assuring me that I wasn't a loser when I so was one puking noobie outside Double O. Though I don't know what's gonna happen to my research paper, all I know was that I had a very great time which I will not forget.

The three ladies never failed to be amazed at my vibrant social life, of which they were the latest members. And so began the spate of complaints by people. "Yea kelspy, you're always too busy for us. You've got 1000 friends on facebook, what can I say?" :(((

After sayonaring to RP, I went off to Shantou where I spent a good week in. The city was very grey and still developing. Met my extended family, and had a very hard time trying to address each of them correctly. I am amazed at their patriotism, as well as their commitment to the family. Also, I had to shower my granny for a week. To pour out my most raw emotions, I have to say that I did not enjoy it initially, and it is still something that I do not enjoy. On top of that, I felt pissed that I was by default, the one who had to take on the task since I shared room with my uncle and granny, and I can't possibly let my uncle shower my granny. Despite feeling reluctant, I showered my granny out of filial obligations. My granny wasn't at all an anal lady. In fact, you can tell for sure that if she could shower herself, she would gladly do it on her own. Yet NO AMOUNT OF LOGIC/REASONING could simmer the obstinate frustration in me, until the moment of epiphany on the third evening.

Suddenly, the familiar voice of my mum resounded in my head, "Ah Ma used to wash your buttocks when you were young." 

In an all innocent tone, I told granny, "Ah Ma, mum says you used to wash my buttock, and now I'm doing the same for you! :) " 

Granny just let out a good hearty laugh. At that moment, tears just welled up my eyes. I felt touched that I could at least do something for my granny in return of what she had done for me. I knew that right there before me, wasn't just a lady who was waiting to be served or pampered. She was my very own granny, the one who unconditionally pampered me when I was young. She was my blood-related kin and an indirect reason for my existence. I wouldn't dare say that I would enjoy showering her all the days of her life, but if I had to do it, I would do it joyfully because she is my granny - one whom I love. I'm just thankful to God for the chance to do something for her. 

Visiting relatives was part fun and part boring. It's fun when I meet cousins of around the same age and engage in either hilariously nonsensical/ highly intellectual conversations; but boring during those moments when it was best for me to appear all dainty and reserved and then leave the place without really knowing those I spent the past hour with (you know, those moments when the relatives have nothing to say apart from very general compliments ?). I sound like a spoilt brat for saying that, but I REALLY DO ENJOY meeting my relatives (although I can't really cite a specific reason for feeling happy). They are all so capable in running their own business, and so hospitable towards us. Also, talking with them widened my horizon a lot. Plus it's INEVITABLE that boring moments happens. For one, I don't know if I can be half as hospitable as them if they come over to my place. I think, overall, I'm just happy for them that they are doing well in life, and also happy for my granny to be able to meet with those whom she used to live with.

An additional thing to thank my mum for: she taught me the Teochew dialect, which enabled me to communicate with those villagers. :) 

After China, it was basically meeting up with friends, friends and friends + endless Singsoc stuff, both of which I really enjoy too.

One bugging guilt that I habour resulted from recurring complaints from my friends and families - that I am too busy for them. If I can show every single one of you my schedule, I think you'd all agree that I make a very good insurance agent cos I run from place to place, sometimes meeting up with 4 different groups of people in a day. I dedicated the last three weeks to just meeting people alone, and have been trying hard to organise my schedule. I shall not go on to elaborate on how maligned I feel at times when friends, and especially the closer ones comment on how I do not have time for them. (Actually, I did manage to meet up with these people on more than one occasion. But maybe it just seems not enough?? I don't know) But a raw nerve is touched when my own family members say that of me, because the last thing I want to happen is when I lead a supposedly glamorous life and yet is a unloved loser amongst the people that mean the most to be. For this special group of people that mean a lot to me, I hope that the random phone calls, midnight meet ups, extended family holidays and family gatherings managed to show at least a lil bit of my love towards you. :) I will always love you and keep you in my prayers. I'm also learning the art of juggling my time better, so give me some leeway and yes, I will be happy to receive tips on how to manage my time well. :) Please forgive me if I ever carelessly irritate/ disappoint you. *sheepish smile* And especially to mum, I'm sorry for failing to accompany you all the time. Hope the weekly 4 outta 7 days of dinner at home + shopping at ion + masking at home were enjoyable moments for you!

To be continued from summer: C-Africa and UCL Singsoc.



 

I refuse to accept the idea that the "is-ness" of man's present nature makes him morally incapable of reaching up for the eternal "oughtness" that forever confronts him.  - Martin Luther King Jr

Was reading Jeremiah 10: 23 - 25 and felt like blogging all of a sudden.

In the three verses, Jeremiah was praying on behalf of Israel, appealing to God for justice, rather than becoming personally revengeful.
I think it's very tough to look up to someone higher when you are actually feeling like shit. How can you continue to aspire toward a lofty ideal such as justice when you're left behind in the pits of the slump time and again? I've witnessed many, in movies and in real life, giving themselves to the idea that the world is an unjust place and gave up on hoping and persisting... On the other hand, we see people who make decisions of another kind - to rise up to occasion, keep the good faith, and persist in overcoming their odds.

I don't claim to be able to sympathise with every kind of ordeal in this world, though I myself have been through some not-so-happy episodes in my life. And during those times, I ask myself where is God. And I blamed God for not being in the picture, for not being on my side, for bringing such unfortunate plight upon me. Or... if I so happen to not blame God because I recognise that it's a trial I have to overcome because it is a consequence of my previous actions, there's still this tendency in me to tell God that "I can't do it. This mountain is just too tall for me to overcome. Take it away."

Whether I like it or not, my God is one that is more interested in my Christlikeness than my happiness. All I can say is TOO BAD... HAHA! 

It is during times like these that we need to persevere in prayer, to ask God to teach us new truths, to guide us, to protect us and preserve us. And our part is to ask and, upon being instructed, to obey faithfully. There's really no point in knowing what to do if we already decide in our hearts to cringe in cowardice behind whatever mountains we have to confront. 

Martin Luther King Jr's not claiming that we can become saints, considering eternal oughtness forever confronts us. But the inability to reach it does not strip us of the capability to reach for it. Similarly, it is the act of wanting to abide by Jesus that matters to Him. Once we will ourselves to Him, God fights the rest of the battle for us. 

I've also been asked by another friend, what true repentance is... The TYS answer is that repentance is turning away from sin and turning toward God. 

I'd also like to add that repentance means not giving yourself anymore excuses to not reach for the "ought-ness" that forever confronts us.   
 

Romans 8:28 - 39
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died - more than that, who was raised to life - is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

No in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can there really be 'nothing'? Is nothing a state or an event on its own, a  term coined to express the lack of events or states? If it is, then there is indeed something that can separate us from God. But can 'nothing', as it was described previously, really take place? My own answer will be unlikely, if the God in the bible exists. If an omnipresent God exists, whose existence cannot be destroyed, how can his being there bring about the state of nothingness? To add another dimension onto what Paul said, the fact that there is "us" and the "love of God" in the picture, the state of nothingness cannot take place. Following this thought, unless creation ceases to be, and God annihilates his own being, we cannot be separated from His love. And as long as he continues in His nature, He will not stop showering us with His powerful love.

Ok I'm just talking crap... Trying to think ALOUD. :D 

But I thank my Lord for bringing me through 2008 and 2009. There were too many moments when the going got tough. But God indeed has His plans for me - to recognise his sovereignty in my life. After all that He has allowed to happen in my life, what He fundamentally cares about remain to be my relationship with Him. It pleases Him to know I believe and trust in Him more and more. And yea, since He's all powerful, He pretty much can do as He pleases. But there's also His tender-loving care that guided and encouraged me along the way.

What does 2010 hold for me or you? Only God knows.